I came across an article today linked on Facebook on the subject of narcissistic abuse and how enablers are not innocent. It is truly the best piece of writing on this angle of the subject that I’ve read yet. I have said this before, but I will repeat it: Understanding how malignant narcissists and their weak-willed enablers operate is essential to protecting yourself and your loved ones from their harm. Failure to understand their methods and behaviors can cost you years of your life in pointless grief, headbanging and self-blame.
The fact that this happens in supposedly Christian settings is not surprising. Of all people, Christians are the ones least equipped to deal with this kind of evil. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is. Fear of “harming the cause of Christ” creates an extra layer of reticence to speak out when narcissistic abusers are on a rampage. Fear of being a “gossip” becomes the excuse many times for saying nothing at all as innocent people are chewed up and spit out. Wrong-headed thinking about taking abuse from others is also a frequent problem among Christians. A lot of cowardice hides in pietistic thinking. (“We’ll just pray about it and God will change things in his time,” said even as they watch others ground into hamburger.)
There is nothing so vile as those who stand back and watch others destroyed. This article underscores the fact that there is no neutrality when evil is being done right in front of you. Those who cower are useful tools in the hand of the narcissist abuser when a direct hit is launched. Here’s the article that nails it all down. Quote from the article:
The narcissist depends upon these weak-willed comrades. Abusing someone isn’t nearly as much fun if it’s only a party of two. With a crowd, there’s unlimited potential for drama. The narcissist gets to pull a lot more strings that way.
If it were just the abuser, and her target, it would hardly be worth it to carry out a full-fledged hate campaign.
That’s because the narcissist labors to get others to turn on the target. The collective betrayal that comes from the camp of these enablers is even more devastating than the primary source of abuse.
Targets, especially if this plays out at work, or in a social setting, watch as, one by one, the people they thought were their friends, slink away when the battle intensifies.
Not taking a stand to stop someone from being hurt doesn’t absolve you of guilt. In fact, when you do this, you become an active participant, whether you consider yourself one or not.
The next post at the Hope Blog is a story sent to me by a woman who was married to a malignant narcissist for a number of years until he divorced her and married another, all the while, lying about his original marriage and keeping his ministry speaking credentials impeccable. Reading her story, shared anonymously, we find a very clear example of how it all works. Creating a false narrative against a target is one of the chief strategies found in the narc playbook.