What Haters Lose

I’ve been targeted  by a man for 31 years in May. He’s a relative with too much time on his hands and very little to do but follow my life, read this blog and send attack emails in hopes of causing injury and angry reaction. It used to be hurtful and confusing. It is now a source of humor and pity, simultaneously.

When we have real love, we have no need to hurt other people for sport. The sight of blood in the injury of someone else causes horror and concern, not pleasure, if you are a loving and normal person. That is one big “if.”

The goal of this kind of sad person is always pain. But they won’t say so. They will wrap their true goal in regal robes of religious pomposity or faux concern. These people have a barge full of personal garbage in their own lives, and worst of all, they think nobody knows it. But that doesn’t stop them from going full on pharisee about the lives of others. It’s chuckle worthy if you can see the humor in it. If not, shed a tear for them.

The beauty of the passage of time, lots of it, is that it brings things into focus in a way that makes you wonder why you didn’t see things as they were years before. Pathological antagonists are sad people. They are worthy of pity and prayer.

I think how different lives like this would be if they had lived in love. The very thing hate-filled people supposedly crave could be theirs–a lifetime of it. Because respect sown into the lives of others grows respect. Love and understanding grow love and understanding. You give and find out that what little you gave comes back to you in far greater amounts. It’s how God designed it.

Belittling someone’s pain, adding to it, mocking, judging, attacking, piling on in someone’s life at difficult moments, dear stalker, if you only saw yourself as God and others see you. If you only knew what you have thrown away on the altar of pride and malice. You could have had it all, untold riches of generational love and respect. True wealth.

When you are dead. When your lifeless form lies silent and cold at the funeral home awaiting burial or cremation, what do you want people to say about you? That you were one kick-rear business person? That you had a great house and pool or the best vacations money could buy? That you were a great communicator or blogger or athlete or leader who fought moral evil or (fill in the blank)?

This is what I want others to think about me when I’m gone. I want them to know that I loved people. That I grieved when things weren’t right with them. Maybe too much so. That people were important to me, even if I was not important to them. That I have a heart that was easily pricked and convicted. That I shut nobody out permanently. That I was always open to sincere reconciliation, even if nobody was interested in sincerely reconciling.  That I may have had differences, but that I didn’t hate anybody.

I have been married to a man for 22 years in June. His hallmark is humility and kindness. He has never deliberately and maliciously hurt anyone. He is moved with compassion so easily, it amazes me. He once got up in the wee hours to bring a bag of food to a former colleague who had fallen on hard times–someone who had called, because he was literally without food. The man passed away shortly after that. He KNEW who would care, because Tom never turns anyone away with real need. He doesn’t judge people. I’ve seen this times without number.

I am blessed beyond measure to not only witness Tom’s love, but that of his beautiful family. They are role models for love in action, decades of it. I owe these people my life in many ways. Love like this restores your hope and counteracts the poison of lies from those who live in hate. It contradicts the haters who tell you, you are hopelessly flawed. You are the problem. You are wrong. You are defective. You are not worthy of my love.

Love says, I’ll take you, flaws and all. I will bind up the hurt places. I will cover you with my kindness. I will keep you warm when you are cold. I will listen when you open your heart and I won’t dismiss or laugh at you, I will believe you. You are worthy of love.  I love you.

That kind of real love makes another human being come to life again. It does something else.  It causes a person  to want to  return that love with everything they have. The haters will never know love–love that gives life and laughter and joy. The haters spend their years wanting blood and pain from a victim, hacking away with all their might, only to find out in old age that the only one they were really  injuring was themselves.  It could have been so different and so beautiful if only they would have loved and without conditions.  Could have been.  The saddest words in the English language.

Yesterday, I caught the blue of the sky as background for our magnolia tree in full bloom. God’s glory shining through his creation.

5 thoughts on “What Haters Lose

  1. Denise says:

    Haters are takers, physically and spiritually. There are active haters and passive haters. I’ve experienced both, and they are equally to be pitied. They fill their empty selves by working to destroy others. I’m sorry you’ve been the target of this for so many years. The grace and strength from God keeps us afloat and gives us the ultimate victory. Perhaps they envy our peace and that’s why they seek to destroy it. Too much time on their hands, yes.

  2. Ingrid says:

    Active and passive haters. I agree. Passive hatred is the kind that refuses to speak to someone, engages in a myriad of ways of showing you that you are, according to the hater, not a human being deserving of respect and kindness. What is astonishing that some believe they are justified in doing this as “Christians” even those possessing numerous Bibles that directly say otherwise. It’s mind-boggling.

    “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ’s sake, has forgiven you. ” From Ephesians Chapter 4, vs. 32.

    “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” Colossians 3:12

  3. healinginhim says:

    I’m not seeking pity but I truly am surrounded by abusers and sadly I am to the point of wanting to change my surname but not to my maiden name because my siblings and parents were also very abusive.
    The fact that it would appear that all have forsaken me causes many to feel that it must be “me”; I’m the problem.
    No, it is the name of Christ that has brought on the hatred. Christ awakening me and changing me caused other family members to become jealous and spiteful and accuse me of thinking I was better than them for not wanting to overindulge in alcohol and food. Oh, and I didn’t want to laugh at terrible jokes with sexual overtones.
    And then there is ‘the church’ … who feels I am expecting too much when I question some of the flagrant sins being condoned.
    I could go on and on … I’m not sure where the Lord is leading me in all of this because it is the man that I married that initially helped to feed the fires of dissent and now he doesn’t want me anymore.
    I’m tired … and each day pray for God to give me clearer insight as to where I belong and how I can glorify HIs name.
    Thank you, Ingrid for posting this and allowing me to express my heart.
    You have endured so much and I praise God that instead of becoming embittered and cold-hearted He has made you into such an insightful and God-fearing woman. A woman who has given hope to many. No wonder you chose to call your blog, The Hope Blog.

  4. 'grandma' Jeanne says:

    Oh how I needed to hear what you just wrote…and thank you. I want exactly what you want for my funeral..besides two wonderful hymns. I have failed in many ways that you write about. I am hoping to make a u turn now. Often we need love to be able to love.
    I had a husband just like yours…Blessed is not enough to say….I miss him for sure.

  5. Lori says:

    I have been reminded over and over lately that hurting people hurt people. I am sorry that you have had to endure this.

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