“Where Have All the Beautiful Women Gone?”

singlesThis piece caught my eye in the blizzard of content that comes through social media. There’s so much competing for attention now that I almost didn’t click on it. I’m so glad I did. If you have a single son (and actually, even a married son, because this is so good), this article is worth every moment of reading it.

It’s written by attorney and writer, Joshua Rogers. It begins like this.

Whenever I write about the struggles of single adults, there’s one sure-fire way to enrage the men: Hint that they carry any blame for the growing number of unmarried women.

I can’t tell you how many single men have earnestly looked at me in frustration and explained that they simply haven’t felt the “spark” with anyone. But none of these guys can seem to articulate what the “spark” is. They just know it isn’t there, and they can’t imagine moving forward without it.

As I listen to these men and reflect on my own days as a single man, I think I know what they really want. They want a woman with inner beauty, sure; but they also want that beauty to be matched by her outward appearance…

Read the whole article here. 

Like Joshua Rogers said, “Desiring beauty isn’t the problem. It’s the inability to see it.”

A P.S. to this article: My adult son sent me this article a few minutes ago. He has a little girl, we have a little girl, and the reality of our porn-saturated culture is harming our girls. It’s no wonder boys and men can’t sit and value the beauty of a young woman by getting to observe and know her. This article here explains  the nightmarish culture our girls have to contend with in the form of porn-addicted  boys. 

10 thoughts on ““Where Have All the Beautiful Women Gone?”

  1. sneezypb says:

    There is a problem with Availability Bias in university towns like where I live. Women in their 30s or older have a hard time dating here because men are not as interested. There are so many beautiful young women around that men are inclined to try for them instead. Online dating works on the same bias where if a woman is perhaps not perfect, then instead of putting in the effort, he can go after someone else.

  2. Ingrid says:

    Yes, and like the article points out, the woman who is “not perfect” in the man’s eyes, is gone in a click. No bothering to find out anything about her really or spending time getting to know her. The whole scene is so dysfunctional. Porn tells men that life is all about one thing, and the woman is reduced to a blow-up doll with a pulse, so “hot” and available is all that matters.

  3. sneezypb says:

    Not just porn. Video games are all about searching behaviors for better. The greatest disappointment is to “win” the game because there is nothing else beyond. The Internet in general tells us if you are not happy with what you have in front of you, keep clicking in hopes of finding it.

  4. terriergal says:

    wow, that was powerful – so true! I get so sick of pastors who make jokes about ugly women or similar cracks about hot wives etc. It is so discouraging to see even sometimes well respected theologians who carelessly add to the burden women carry about measuring up to some unseen and often unspoken ideal.

  5. John says:

    Women in the United States are objectively not attractive for the most part. I just returned from Poland, and in contrast to the frumpies in New England, the Polish young women are beautiful in every way. Not only are they skinny, they have excellent fashion sense, and most importantly, they have an innocence about them that does not exist in an American woman.

    Boys may lose some part of their innocence to naughty websites, but these young men have no power when they are young. Women have enormous power starting in late adolescence and continuing through their mid-twenties. It is the American women, Christian and secular, who sleep around with the “hot” motorcycle drummer bad boys throughout their youth. These harlots snub the weak Christian young men who are mostly involuntarily celibate and vulnerable to “alpha males” who take leadership positions in parachurch organizations and who shame the young men for solitary vices.

    Meanwhile, almost all young women are ruined by the time they are twenty two years old. Any man who risks marrying an older women, older than about twenty five, takes a big chance indeed. While he wishes to play the knight in shining armor, she remembers her days past and lusts for the motorcycle dude now long into the sunset. Divorce soon follows a miserable marriage, and if the matrimony lasts ten years, she gets alimony for life in many states.

    So whether a rare American beauty or a plane Jane, the young American man should think twice before committing to a raging feminist in the United States. Most girls, almost all church girls fit into this category and will bring only misery.

  6. Carolyn says:

    Great article and so true. We’ve created a society where externals are more important than the inner heart that God prizes so dearly. Sadly, the church is often no different than the world.

    That said, commenter John is part of the problem. I’m glad my husband didn’t view me as damaged goods because I was “ruined” by the age of 22. Sorry, John, there’s been no misery, no divorce, and this matrimony has gone well past your ill predicted 10 years.

    That is because Christ’s Grace has been greater than all our sins… Both my husband’s and mine. Romans 4:5-8.

    Finally, my beloved husband has apparently been able to look past all my apparent “shortcomings” as a woman, too. I’m no idyllic “stylish, skinny” Polish beauty. Good thing MY husband adores ME for better or for worse. And I him.

    I think Ingrid would say the same about her dear Tom.

  7. Ingrid says:

    Thank you for that, Carolyn. I hadn’t had a chance to respond yet to the comment. We’ll be married 21 years, Lord willing, in June. My husband married me, a hurting single parent of two little boys, became a loving step-father, adopted two more children without fathers from 2 Eastern European orphanages, became their loving dad, fathered two more children, loves them. And he loves me. Not because I was physically beautiful (he kindly says otherwise), not because I was “undamaged”, but because he loved the whole me. All of it. Tom’s love is how the love of Christ is described. He accepts me, he forgives me, he understands me, he is constantly there for me, he challenges me, and protects me. I love that man more than words can say. Through every dark moment in our lives, he has not run away from it, but walked through it with me. That’s what true manhood and true marriage is as God intended it. And I’ll spend the rest of my days in gratitude and love to Tom Schlueter. The whole point of this article is to take time to study women as whole people, not just their outsides. I think John missed the point of my post. And P.S. Tom would be the first to protest that he is also in need of forgiveness. He knows that he is also a sinner saved by the grace of God. Marriage, as it is said, is the joining of two good forgivers, by God’s grace.

  8. biggardenblog says:

    Heavens above, reading this post and its comments you’d think all men were … so awful. Am I (a straight man – a necessary explanation in this context) alone in having an aversion to ‘beautiful’ women, and especially women who rely on make-up and hair-do’s etc. I want to see a person, not a brand of make-up. It’s not just the falsity, it’s the arrogance: too many women with that sort of beauty are far too sure of their attractions, and I refuse to respond to their unspoken demands for adoration: I will quite literally turn away. I feel sure what puts most men off women is not their plain-ness, but lack of personal radiance. Women need to throw off the obsession with beauty, and release the beauty within, which is, in the end, what men most yearn for.

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