Time is the first thing mentioned. Without time spent together, you can’t even know who your spouse is as a person. Treat them like a utility? You can do that, but what you have isn’t a marriage at all then. Also, not dissolving the legal contract in court doesn’t mean you have a marriage either.  You can be as divorced in spirit as is humanly possible and still leave the paper intact and be praised for being “married” umpteen years.  Sad truth.