“Smokin’ Hot” Pastors’ Wives – Enough Already!

stilettoplatformI remember hearing a late middle-aged pastor at a church introduce his “smoking hot wife.” Exact words. He leaned into the microphone and sort of leered in a pastorly kind of way at his wife in the audience. The “ick” factor was high. So high that it was difficult to take the man seriously. As of late, references to “smokin’ hot” wives from hip pastors are essential ministry talk. They may even practice saying it in seminary homiletics classes now.

What if God gives you a wife with a debilitating illness? Still proud of her? What if there’s an accident and she no longer has a Sports Illustrated-worthy body? Still love her? When a husband praises his wife, it better be for something that lasts, because I’m here to tell you, sir, that your” smokin’ hot” wife will soon go the way of all flesh, just like you. Character lasts a long time after looks are long gone.

The worldly view on sexuality long ago invaded the church. Pastors like Mark Driscoll even go so far as to suggest that if a woman “lets herself go”, a vague term that could mean anything from weight gain to eschewing hair extensions and professional spray tans, she may be pushing her husband into straying into an affair with a more attractive model. It is implied, not always said outright. In the world of the sex-obsessed, hipster “pastors”, you’d better be and stay “hot”, lady, or you can thank yourself when your marriage goes south. And I mean “smokin’ hot”, not just “hot.”

This piece from Christianity Today proves I am not alone in noticing this ugly trend (among the countless other such trends in American circus churches.) The author is sick of hearing about “smokin’ hot wives” from the pulpit. Disgust is in order for these men, with the label “pastor” or otherwise, who are blinded by our sex-addled culture into viewing women as nothing but sex objects, and yet claim biblical precedence for their views. I also feel sorry for their wives who have to hear themselves held up as “smokin’ hot”, long after age has had its way. (And it always does, Botox or not!)

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.   ~ Proverbs 31:30

14 thoughts on ““Smokin’ Hot” Pastors’ Wives – Enough Already!

  1. Jean Selden says:


    This is just another story of maladjusted, immature, self-proclaimed pastors deficient in their knowledge of scripture. And the thing is that this sort of worldly mentality that is being promoted from our pulpits is being hear loud and clear by young women.

    My daughter has a small shop that caters to a lot of young mothers. She is shocked at the number of young mothers who profess to her the pressure that they feel to be perfect and to be all that the world screams is the only way to a satisfying life. They feel like failures.

    Our young Christian neighbor recently had a little boy. A few weeks prior to his birth, she was confessing to us that she was so scared that she was going to lose herself and that the baby would have a negative impact on her life. I was stunned. When did motherhood change from a joy to a burden? Her baby is now a month old and it has been an extremely hard adjustment. She is fearful about her looks and her weight. The baby is unhappy. I know she is feeling overwhelmed and it breaks my heart. The husband is receiving the brunt of her not being happy.

    And we can give thanks for this mindset to the likes of Mark Driscoll and Andy Stanley that can’t grow up and be men. Their needs and desires seem to be stuck at 15 years old. And all of these poor men and women who continually expose themselves to this type of dung being tossed from the altar will continue to feel worthless and as failures.

  2. Ingrid Schlueter says:

    Well said, Jean! I enjoy your comments so much, because they are always spot on. Also, the double standard bothers me. I try to picture the reaction if a pastor’s wife stood up to introduce her husband at the next women’s banquet or get together and said, “And now, here’s my WHITE HOT stud of a man, (aren’t you lucky to have him at this church, wink wink), Pastor “Ripped.” How appropriate, right? On the other hand, this may be the latest thing now. I find it hard to keep up to the minute with ministry models these days…

  3. Jean Selden says:


    Thanks for the compliment. I consider you the best mentor a woman could have. You are a rare jewel.

    In Him,

  4. Lorrie says:

    I agree Ingrid — it is so wrong and disturbing when pastors say things like this. Jean, very sad about the pressure on the young wives and mothers to live up to the ‘perfect model’ image.

  5. Ingrid Schlueter says:

    These “cool” pastors, I might add, are falling like flies now. They built their cool churches with the arm of the flesh and so in the flesh they crash. Here’s one example from today’s news. This is what passes for clergy these days in hip, circus churches. Having your own following in a “church” you started up in some gym somewhere is a narcissist’s dream. Make it up as you go, you’re the rock star of your own show.


  6. Teeky says:

    “…Having eyes full of adultery that never cease from sin, enticing unstable souls, having a heart trained in greed, accursed children;” 2 Peter 2:14

    “…They allure through the lusts of the flesh, [through much] wantonness, those that were clean escaped from them who live in error.

    19 While they promise them liberty, they themselves are the servants of corruption: for of whom a man is overcome, of the same is he brought in bondage.

    20 For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, they are again entangled therein, and overcome, the latter end is worse with them than the beginning.

    21 For it had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known [it], to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them.” 2 Peter 2:18-22

    “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such {a word} as is good for edification according to the need {of the moment,} so that it will give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29

    ” …That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel (some translate this as wife) in sanctification and honour; not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:” 1 Thess 4:4-5

    “Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love {and} peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” 2 Tim 2:22

    “.. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.” – Malachi 2:15

    These men are dealing treacherously with their wives, as they shamelessly parade and exploit their own flesh! “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church…” was there any greater love than the sacrificial love of Christ our Saviour for His bride the Church? Then how does this “hot mess” even model this great and beautiful mandate?

    As one preacher once rightly said ” if you sow perversion, you will reap PERVERTS!!!” Who can deny that we are reaping perverts in the Church? Men such as Mark Driscoll (and others like him) are simply perverts, unashamedly frothing up their unclean lasciviousness upon those who barely escaped such defilements by God’s grace – This makes me weep!

    What grieves me is the most is that this carnal carnage is largely ignored and relegated to the sidelines in most churches! I guess it’s just not that important… Lord have mercy!!!

  7. Robert Ferris says:

    Been a Christian for many years, in my Bible and prayer to Jesus daily for over 10 and I love the Lord Jesus my saviour. I’ve listened and studied with Driscoll and I am 100% certain that he is on our team. Maybe a bit loose at times with something he says – arguable that he is trying to connect too much with the youth in Seattle – but with zero doubt Driscoll loves Jesus, and is deep in the word.

    Let’s stop demanding perfection from our pastors. They aren’t God. They have a big responsibility, just like us – to lead people to our Father. With Jesus, the chruch Driscoll started has lead 1,000’s of people to the Christ and his faithfulness has enabled God to create the largest movement ever toward Him in the Pacific NW USA.

    Christians, if your style isn’t respected, just learn from another pastor. Meanwhile, rest assured Driscoll loves Jesus, loves his wife and leads His church well and aligned with His word.

  8. Ingrid Schlueter says:

    Robert, I stand firmly with Dr. John MacArthur who responded to Mr. Driscoll’s abominable treatment of Scripture with a 4-part series entitled, “The Rape of Solomon’s Song.”





    Mr. Driscoll’s pornographic Scotland sermon on the same topic is still online, but I will not link to it for obvious reasons. One of my adult sons who was single at the time said he could not listen to Mr. Driscoll because he found it corrupting to his thinking and a problem for him in attempting to remain pleasing to the Lord. When pastors are causing young men to stumble, I really don’t think much more needs to be said.

  9. Robert Ferris says:

    Ingrid, thanks for your comments. I wasn’t aware of his Scotland sermon, but I did read the transcript and yes, I agree that it is crude. His style isn’t for everyone and I too might be very negative toward a pastor that I believed could harm my family.

    But my perspective might be different from yours. I’m a first generation Christian – alone in my family – and God for some reason reached down and grabbed me. I didn’t have parents like your son or maybe even you had to direct me toward Jesus. 3 decades of training poured into me to live life on my terms – was now completely upside down. Jesus does this.

    He gifted me with discernment and I ask lots of questions before I chose to let Christ into my life. I listened to many different pastors during these days. My faith was raw and completely immature – and I couldn’t understand pastors like MacArthur or Piper. In their own way, these pastors were causing me to stumble. I got the wrong idea of what the Christian life was all about.

    Today, much more mature, by God’s grace, I can see many more things and deeply respect these pastors. It took me long hours and years of study, but I’m getting a hang of things, allowing my trust in Jesus to grow more and more. A work in progress.

    Driscoll, like no other pastor, helped show me the relationship Jesus wants with me – first generation Christians is his mission field. He showed me the freedom inside Christ and that the Bible isn’t full of rules, but instruction and care directly from a God who is crazy about me. I haven’t been loved like that ever before.

    Strong warnings in the Bible about the false prophets and false teachings. Wolves among the sheep are given zero tolerance. They are wolves, plain and simple – and I’m thankful for those more mature than me to point them out and I’ll be the first in line to remove them from the church.

    Driscoll is no wolf. He has said some things I don’t agree with, I believe he regrets some of the things he has said, and he definitely struggles with humility. I refuse to judge him solely based on these things. Ingrid, Driscoll is firmly on our team and had lead thousands of tattooed, chain smoking, lost souls to the foot of the cross in a way that honers Jesus. When you and I get to heaven, we will have the joy of meeting all of them. And for that, I praise God.

  10. Jean Selden says:


    I find the fact that, after at least a dozen or more years, Mark’s followers are still trying to defend his actions. Enough is enough.

    Mark’s actions are judged in accordance with the Word of God. His controlling, sarcastic, crude language and behavior has no excuse.
    There is no justification for his bombastic behavior. His overwhelming focus on sexual matters obviously is a demon he is trying to work through or trying to bring others into it.

    More and more ex-Driscollites are speaking up. Former pastors and leaders, women and men have testimonies that I would encourage you look up. His treatment of members of his church looks more tyrannical than serving with love. If you question him, you are gone.

    Robert, I suggest you go back and listen again to MacArthur’s sermons on pastoral leadership. Since you suggest that you are more mature and discerning now, you might be able to hear with better ears.

    But please quit defending a person whose actions are defenseless.


  11. unworthy1 - lyn says:

    It seems you are a follower of Mark Driscoll, so I would naturally have to ask, who is your Master – Driscoll or Jesus Christ? Mark Driscoll uses sensuous language and inappropriate ‘sex talk’ from the pulpit – I find NO record of that in Holy Writ. I say ‘ditto’ to Jean’s comment, enough is enough. This man also says he has personal ‘revelations’ from Jesus Christ, however, Christ reveals Himself to His own through His written word as the Spirit illuminates that word. Driscoll’s new calvinism beliefs are a mixed bag of unbiblical beliefs. Driscoll defines new Calvinism..
    1. New Calvinism is missional and seeks to create and redeem culture.
    2. New Calvinism is flooding into cities.
    3. Old Calvinism was generally cessationist (i.e. believing the gifts of the Holy Spirit such as tongues and prophecy had ceased). New Calvinism is generally continuationist with regard to spiritual gifts.
    4. New Calvinism is open to dialog with other Christian positions

    I have a problem with both 3 and 4. I am in no way charismatic, so #3 presents great problems to me. If tongues were still in operation, why is it missionaries must first study a foreign language before they depart to their destination? That is only one question that remains unanswered by a continuationist.
    Concerning #4, this opens the floodgates to many problematic issues and concerns. Roman Catholics claim to be Christians, so do we dialog with them and come away with a mutual understanding of their false teachings? New Calvinism combines Charismatic beliefs with a ‘verbal only’ adherence to the doctrines of grace. There is a hipster mentality within this movement, you would be wise to visit newcalvinistdotcom/ This is a very dangerous movement, it is brilliantly disguised as Christian because of the claim of adherence to the doctrines of grace. It boasts of big names like Driscoll, Mohler, C.J. Mahaney, Piper, etc. There are presently issues with all these men; Mohler recently visited Rick Warren’s church and tweeted a photo of himself and Warren, Mahaney’s involved in a horrific child sex abuse scandal which he vehemently denies, and Piper is all over the map, embracing Beth Moore and her false teachings. They are all in bed together.

    I also take issue with these words from you ” before I chose to let Christ into my life.” This is nowhere to be found in the word of God. Let God show you who does the choosing…
    John 15:16 “You did not choose Me but I chose you,”
    John 15:19 “If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you.”
    2 Thessalonians 2:13 “But we should always give thanks to God for you, brethren beloved by the Lord, because God has chosen you from the beginning for salvation through sanctification by the Spirit and faith in the truth.”
    1 Thessalonians 1:4 “knowing, brethren beloved by God, His choice of you;”
    Romans 9:11 ” for though the twins were not yet born and had not done anything good or bad, so that God’s purpose according to His choice would stand, not because of works but because of Him who calls.”

    It is vital that we do not present the Gospel of Jesus Christ as a mere choice to be made by sinners, as if they could choose. All are enslaved to their sins, in bondage to sin – “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin.” John 8:34
    2 Peter 2:19b “for by what a man is overcome, by this he is enslaved.
    God must first ‘quicken’ the dead sinner – ‘Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ’ – Ephesians 2:5
    God is the One who gifts sinners with faith, salvation, repentance: all of salvation is from the Lord, not based on man’s choice. Proof texts include Ephesians 2:8-9, 2 Timothy 2:25, Acts 11:18.
    Why is this so important? Because presenting an accursed gospel, one that states you can choose, make a decision for, or invite Jesus into your heart, leads to false conversions. The unregenerate are still on the broad road and are among the hardest to reach with the truth.

    We do not need cool, hip. relevant dressed-down men in our pulpits; we need men who tremble at the word of God, who have a holy reverence for every syllable found in Holy Writ. We need men who spend their day on their knees crying out for the power of God upon their ministries. We need men who understand what it truly means to stand before others and proclaim God’s truth, knowing they will be held to a much higher degree of accountability.
    We would all do well to follow One and only One – Christ alone. There is way too much compromise and deceitfulness within Christianity. Let God the Spirit be your teacher, Christ your Lord and Master, and Abba your Father.

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