The bonnets arrived today. Here Emmy models one for you. They shipped so quickly, I couldn’t believe it. I am very pleased with them. The size 15 is perfect for Emily now, and the 15 and 1/2 will fit her later in the summer probably. I highly recommend the Betty Ann bonnets at ComfyKids.
I’ve been filling out enough paperwork to buy a house. Sending a child off to camp or registering him for school requires the filling out of reams of paper. Legal waivers, health forms, immunization records, parental agreements, and so forth are all part of it, as any parent knows. For his 14th birthday present, Will is going to a camp this summer at a military academy where they break the boys down into platoons on arrival. They do some really challenging things with rope climbing and obstacle courses, each platoon competing with the others. It’s right up Will’s alley. I completed one raft of paperwork and hope to finish up today. I think all his school documents for the fall are all filled out, but then I have to order school clothing off the uniform list. I may wait on that, because boys this age have a famous way of adding two or three inches in as many weeks. He’s really growing so quickly.
I found a website that makes baby bonnets. You wouldn’t think that baby bonnets would be hard to find, would you? They are. The only thing I could find in department stores was a sun hat, one-size-fits-all, which is absurd. None of them, of course, fit Emily. Don’t look for bonnets in stores. They don’t sell them, at least at the ones where I shop. Little girls are made for bonnets. Eyelet, ribbons and rosettes. I must be incredibly old-fashioned, but I don’t think mini-Green Bay Packer caps are the thing for Em. Baby girls need bonnets.
On top of being pretty, they also protect little scalps from the sun. Emily is fair-skinned like me, and will be prone to sunburn. I was happy, then, to discover this website for bonnets. I bought several sizes. You never know when you will find them again these days. They were all so adorable, I couldn’t decide which one to get. The one at the left is one of the three I ordered. They are very affordably priced. Sizing can be tricky on these, but they go up to 24 months, so hopefully one of the three will fit! So for other bonnet-loving mothers, check out the site. I’ve done my part this week to keep bonnet-makers in business.
The heat and humidity is gone now. We had two days of intense heat and stickiness and the air conditioning was running constantly. Last night it all blew away with a little rain and thunder, and we have a classic, gorgeous northern day with cool, crisp air and deep blue skies. My mother called and invited us to the park near her house for a picnic. She’s bringing the sandwiches. Jon has a day off from work, so he’s coming along. A day like this should never go to waste!
I’m reading a book that I want to tell you about soon. Actually, there are several I want to write about next. But the beautiful day is calling. Emily’s raring to go see Grandma at the park. She’s wearing a striped pink and white dress. I’ll bet you’re shocked at the color choice!
I returned home from the grocery store, and as I pulled up in front of the house, I found that the neighborhood kids were being entertained by “Darth Emmy.”
Will’s been a busy guy. He just finished working on some video. He and his cousin Adam did a light saber fight and Will added, frame by frame, special effects to make the sound and lights. All that work for 7 seconds of video! But he was excited to figure out how to use the program. Click here to see it.
As promised, this is the third and final post on Dealing with Toxic People. It has taken me a while to get this done. Why? Because I personally am dealing with some toxic individuals, and at times of discouragement, I sometimes feel I don’t have any counsel for anybody. But I know that as believers in Christ, we do have general guidelines in Scripture for these situations.
Additionally, listening to godly people who are living in and dealing with people like this on a daily basis is a great help. I talked with one of my friends who daily lives the struggle with a toxic husband. As an older Christian woman, her counsel is balanced and always worth listening to. Unlike some who promote a kind of slavish acceptance and submission to lies and venom as they come out of the mouth of a toxic individual, my friend understands that there are times to take a stand and refuse the lies being spoken. This is a summary of what she said to me. It sums up very succinctly what needs to be said:
We are to regard all men because they are created in the image of God, but that doesn’t mean we have to spend time with abusive or rude people.
. There is a time to pray and a time NOT to pray. See Jeremiah 6 and 1 John 5.
. We are not here to please all the people. . .we are to please the LORD in all that we do and say.
. In the Bible, the Holy Spirit went into great detail to give us a few verses about the habits, characteristics and lifestyle of the righteous and the wicked. If we stay in the Word, we will recognize by the behavior where people are coming from. Titus 1:16 is a very important verse of Scripture. Many profess, few possess the LORD.
. It’s okay to say “STOP!” when someone is spewing hatred and vile things all over the place. Then walk away and LET GO OF IT. God will take care of what concerns us.
. We can’t change anyone and we can’t force people to do “the right thing.” We don’t have a right to expect right behavior from those who will not do what is right. They are making a choice and to “their own master, they will stand.”
. Look up 1 Thess. 5:15 and follow the biblical pattern of what we are to do in trials and tribulations and all the time.
. Christians behave. . .The only way you can hold to this standard is to truly be a Christian and practice self-control in every situation. Pray, pray, pray. Stand, stand, stand in what you know to be the truth.
. When you are blamed and accused in every manner of evil, you don’t have to answer back. You can just be quiet, no matter what the situation. God hears, God sees. God knows. Leave it all with Him.
. “Let your forebearing spirit be made known to all men.”
. Pick your battles. Sometimes you do have to speak up, sometimes not.
. Learn to show mercy to those who are weak. Also to the ignorant. Choose to walk in mercy for His sake and yours whenever possible.
. The full armour of God is to be used–take up the shield of faith and don’t take to heart everything somebody says personally. Most likely, you are not the problem. If you are the problem, be quick to ask for forgiveness from God and the offending person, whether they forgive you or not, you still need to deal with whatever has happened to disturb your peace. If after a first and second warning, shake the dust from your feet and move on.
. Be at peace with everyone as much as is possible. Example: “I’m sorry you are having a bad day. Is there anything I can do to help you?” “What can I do to make things better for you?”
. The righteous consider how to speak before they speak. Fools don’t!
. If you can’t fix it, leave it with the LORD. Train yourself to do this. Love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs.
If God forgives me for my sins, how can I NOT forgive those who trespass against me?
. The bondservant of the LORD is not quarrelsome. Look up the verse.
. Anger does not achieve the righteousness of God. So don’t stay angry if you become angry.
. Keep on keeping no matter what. . .do the best you can in every situation. Persevering faith gets the prize!
Some situations are untenable with toxic individuals. Emotional, physical and sexual abuse, particularly when there are children involved, requires prayerful action. You may decide that you will tolerate someone’s abuse, but you have no right to subject your innocent children to it. The legacy of abusers is more abuse. Children act out what they see and hear in their homes. Sons of abusers tend to become abusive and daughters of abusers tend to marry them. It is the sick and sinful legacy of toxic husbands and fathers. If this is the case, you need to do what you can to protect yourself and your children.
Knowing how and when to do that is where discernment, prayer and good counsel is necessary, because every situation is different. I say “good counsel” because not all counsel is good. There is a mindset in Christian fundamentalism that places blame on the victims and defends the perpetrator. I have seen this again and again. That Christianity could be used as the pretext for the harm of innocent people is evil that needs to be exposed for what it is.
When toxic people refuse to repent of their damaging conduct and they do nothing but continue to spew bile, cutting off contact is sometimes the only solution. I have had to do that in several situations where women attempted to use me to fill emotional voids in their lives. Because I was open and friendly, they moved in for the type of relationship that they needed, paying no attention to my own limitations and needs. When I had to pull back and could not take the intensity of their demands, they then turned on me, blasting me with emails or in some cases telephone calls with the most incredible nastiness. This happens, no doubt, to anyone who is even slightly in the public eye in the Christian community. Another talk show host friend of mine confided that she had the same problem. Reconciliation attempts from these kinds of people are usually non-existent. It is hurtful and sad, but it is the nature of these kinds of individuals that they cannot see when they have been unfair. They can only see themselves.
May God keep us from being toxic. Healing and forgiveness is there for all of us in damaged relationships when we stay humble and willing to admit when we’re wrong. The best definition of a toxic person is someone who rejects healing and forgiveness in favor of their own pet sins. Only God’s mercy can remove the scales from such eyes so that the sin is addressed and forgiven. God help all of us who deal with these people in our lives.
The weekend is behind me, and I am glad. It has been an emotional time. On Thursday evening, I attended Sam’s Baccalaureate service for college graduation. I watched the young men and women coming down the aisle, so young and fresh-faced and smiling, and tried not to let the tears spill over.
So many thoughts went through my mind as Sam made his way down the aisle with his fellow graduates. Some memories (involving small cowboy boots, trips to the library and the many hours we spent at Children’s Hospital together) I had to expunge immediately lest I become a sobbing heap. My only comfort was to know that there were hundreds of other mothers and dads in the hall who felt the same way.
Sam’s graduation ceremony was Friday, and suddenly that phase of his life, and ours, was over. What made it all harder was his planned departure on Mother’s Day for Colorado. He has a final interview at a company there this next week, and he intends to settle there if all works out. His wedding is in August. So Mother’s Day got off to a sad start by us watching his car drive out of the driveway. I tried to act cheerful and calm and matter of fact. Of course, inside, I was a mess.
William has an unintended way of making simple statements that drive home the poignancy of certain events. With a lump in my throat I looked at the bedroom Sam shared with William and noted the bare shelves and extra room his leaving had created.
“Look at all the room you have now,” I commented in a bright, fake cheery voice.
“I’d rather have Sam here,” Will said simply.
Sam and Will were constantly verbally jousting. Did I say verbally? It frequently ended up in the sound of crashing and yelling and things flying in their room and Will complaining that Sam was beating up on him. To hear those two together, you’d think they would be happier apart. Males, however, particularly brothers, bond by beating each other up. I’ve learned that with four sons over the years.
So Will has lost his sparring partner and roommate. It will never be quite the same again. Tom felt badly also and wrote as much in the graduation card. I only read two of his sentences before I had to stop reading what he had written. Moms have to keep going, and that would have pushed me over the edge.
Sam gave his baby sister a last kiss, and I realized that Emily will never remember him ever living here. We’ve hopefully caught plenty of video of them together that she can watch someday and realize how much Sam loved his “Moppet.”
I am sure glad for Em and Will to keep me busy for the present, and for now, Jon is still here to keep Will in line. 😉 Kids grow up and leave home. They’re supposed to. Watching my young bird look back one last time at the nest before lifting his wings and flying away, I tried to remember that.
My mother and Emily
After the Dies Irae recording I posted, I thought I’d post a little peaceful contrast. This impressionistic song is sunlight on water. Absolutely gorgeous. I love Debussy, and if you need a little restful break today, try this.
The Hope Blog 
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