There is a series of children’s books out with the title, A Series of Unfortunate Events. I don’t know anything about the books, but I know that the title aptly describes what it’s like to try to motivate around the house quietly while everyone is sleeping. At the best of times, I tend to sleep lightly. Expecting this baby, good sleep is a vague and distant memory. Which leads me to my recent nighttime series of misadventures while the whole world slept.
It’s midnight. Can’t sleep. I toss and turn, sit up on pillows, decide to have some water. Bad idea. I reach for the water bottle next to me. Crash! Over goes a pile of books on my nightstand and the base of the telephone falls to the floor. Tom wakes up, the very thing I was trying to avoid. “Nothing, just my books fell, that’s all,” I whisper. He goes back to sleep. Two hours later the insomnia is getting really old. The brilliant idea strikes me to go sit in my recliner on the other side of the bed by the windows for a little moon watching.
Bad, bad idea. In the seat of the recliner is my laptop which has bright blinking lights on the side. I always turn the laptop sideways in the seat of the recliner at night so the lights are hidden. If I don’t, the entire room lights up with the bright red and white blinking little bulbs. I remove the laptop and immediately see that my shallow-sleeping husband will soon wake up if the lights keep blinking. So I set it on the floor against the wall in an attempt to hide the lights. Now they are actually lighting up the entire wall like a 4th of July display. In frustration, I reach over to unplug the obnoxious thing, thinking that will put the lights out. Ah, but the battery is fully charged! That means the lights stay on.
Next, I decide to try to turn the computer off entirely. An even worse idea. My speakers are turned up on high, so as the computer goes off, loud, Microsoft music fills the bedroom. Tom stirs. In growing fury, I note that those lights are STILL on!! You apparently can’t kill the beast if you try. I contemplate dropping it out of our second story window, but decide against the move. I’ll just have to go downstairs, I think, and sit in the family room for a while.
This was the worst idea yet. Still clutching the offending laptop, I get up and promptly stumble on the charger chord I had flung to the floor earlier. Because of this, the small round table by my recliner tips, emptying the entire contents on the floor. The glass I had used earlier in the evening crashes against the wall and all the magazines and various items cascade to the floor. Now Tom is really awake. He turns the light on on his nightstand, blinking in bewilderment, to see his wife standing there clutching her laptop, table contents all over the floor, water from the glass soaking the carpet.
“I’m leaving, really,” I assure him. He doesn’t even bother to ask for an explanation. He’s used to me by now. He switches the light back off, hopeful of some sleep at last. I head downstairs, feeling sorry for myself and sit on the sofa for a while. It seems warm in the room, I think. I crank open one of the windows behind the sofa and enjoy the fresh cool breeze coming in from the large window. Curled up with my face against the cushions, I fall asleep finally…only to be awakened by cold water against my cheek. WATER?! What in the world? It is raining hard outside, and the wind is blowing the rain through the window, into my face and against the back of the sofa. I close the window, too tired to see the humor in this apparent conspiracy to keep me from sleeping. It’s now 4am and I am frozen from the cold, wet air that had been blowing in on me.
In desperation, I go back upstairs to my bed and warm up. Ah, wonderful. The next thing I know, sun is streaming in, Tom is gone . I had slept for only a few hours, but they were great. When you have had none, let me tell you, anything is a blessing.
I have to have a new strategy tonight. I think that it should involve doing nothing in the dark except walking out the door and going downstairs. At least if I overturn the fridge downstairs by accident, cause an explosion in the kitchen, or some such disaster, my family upstairs can remain blissfully unaware of it, lost in the wonderful world of sleep.