The Importance of an Early Family Vision

Tom and I have been talking a lot lately about why families struggle so much today to have time for each other and why life is so hurried, rushed and filled with stress. Men feel it as well as women, but several news articles recently have pointed to the true state of American womanhood these days. It can be summed up in the word “exhaustion”. This article today from Sky News makes my point. The dirty little secret among many women with families is that having it all is a terrible myth. Women in their 30’s and 40’s are facing meltdown physically and emotionally as the jobs of being an employee, conscientious mother, spouse and sometimes caregiver for an elder are burning them out.

I have discussed with others what is at the root of the hard reality that lurks just below the superficial prosperity in this country. One factor seems to be expectations going into marriage. Newlyweds of my parents’ generation had very modest expectations financially. My parents started out in a basement apartment in Des Moines, Iowa that didn’t have much in the way of amenities. They graduated to a studio apartment later and then to a three bedroom flat where my brother, sister and I spent our early childhood years. From there it was a very simple, three-bedroom Milwaukee bungalow. No family room, one bathroom, old, basic kitchen and bath. The carpet when we moved in was the original and that goes for the linoleum as well. Mom made it all comfortable and homey, and we kids didn’t know that we lacked a thing. That’s where my parents lived until I was married.

Today, few newlyweds start out this way. Home ownership is seen as essential for many, even if it requires both husband and wife to work outside the home. It’s a dangerous way to begin because once the couple starts relying on two incomes to live, it is very hard to stop when a baby comes. Then the couple begins the stressed out years of trying to find and pay for exorbitant childcare, while strangers get the privilege of caring for their baby. Add a couple more children to the picture, and you have a lot of outgo for that same two-income couple and the race to meet all the demands begins. Many couples believe that a bigger family necessitates a bigger house. One couple down the street from us is selling their 2200 square foot home because they claim they need more room. They have two preschool little girls!

My mother-in-law was raised in a three bedroom home with six children in Milwaukee. The boys slept in the attic, the girls had their own bedroom and the parents the other. No, expectations today are not anything like those of earlier generations. These expectations coupled with a lack of strategic planning can profoundly affect the life of the family and particularly, that of the mother.

A couple we know is in their mid-30’s. When they got married, they sat down and made up a plan. They knew they wanted the mother to be able to raise their children at home and so they figured out a plan that to the best of their ability and, barring unforeseen factors, they would carry out. After their wedding, they moved into a modest apartment. The wife worked for two years. During that time they saved every penny of her income and lived on the husband’s. At the end of that period, they had a good amount for a down payment on a modest, three-bedroom home for their future family. The down payment gave them a manageable house payment each month that the husband was able to easily make out of his income alone. The Lord blessed them with several babies in quick succession and the wife has had the pleasure of staying home to raise her little ones. A little planning went a long way. Early on, they decided not to try to get a fancy home in the newer suburbs. Early on, they committed to avoid the debt trap and live as inexpensively as possible with older cars. They now reap the rich benefits of that planning.

Rather than come home to a frazzled, exhausted wife and mother who is seeing her babies for the first time all day, he comes home to meals on the table and a wife who knows her home life is under control. Regardless of what lies feminists tell, a home life under control is a very important factor in the overall happiness of a wife and mother, whether or not she works outside the home. That is just a plain fact.

Many of us never thought about planning ahead. Life just sort of happened and we played it by ear. Times have changed today, and those who want to have a rich family life need to plan for it and ask God’s help in achieving it. I tell my young adult sons frequently that in today’s economy, with the cost of living, education, medical care, etc. that they need to get the training and education to be able to provide for their wives and families. They need to prayerfully plan. If they do not do this, they will fall into the trap of so many couples today that are living uneasily above their means, with the family paying the price for it. Stressed out, unhealthy and emotionally drained parents, kids scheduled out of their minds to keep up with the neighbors’ kids, (one boy in our neighborhood takes karate, soccer, cub scouts, swimming, little league, piano lessons and golf lessons in one week!) and all in all, the evaporation of family life and meaningful personal time.

From a Christian standpoint, the loss is not just personal peace, balance and quality family life; children today are not being properly taught and discipled in today’s high stress, hurried climate. Try to have quality family worship time with children when you’re so burned out as parents that the only thing you can think about is bed when you stagger in the door. Discipleship is work, but who will do the work when parents are emotionally unavailable? This is why having a family vision early in young adulthood is so critical. If we aim at nothing we will hit it every time. T

here is much more material and teaching about these issues today than there once was, and I think it’s a very good thing. The antidote to a life of chaos and stress is to have humble expectations at the start, the wisdom to reject the world’s values, and a commitment to letting the Lord build a godly home based on a sound plan for marriage and family. The choices we make as parents have a direct impact on the spiritual lives of our children. It really is that serious.

35 thoughts on “The Importance of an Early Family Vision

  1. rose says:

    I really think the American Dream is an absolutely corrupt one. You can call it expectations but I think coveting is a large part of it. There is one family in our neighborhood that has nice cars, beautiful, pool, etc. But between the husband and wife, they have 3 and sometimes 4 jobs. The wife seems very bitter at times and I can’t help but think she’s been fooled by the American Dream. I was 17 years old before my father was in a position to buy a house. Before that, it was always apartments. Don’t get me wrong, a house is nice to live in but you don’t HAVE to have a house to raise a family or be happy. And a look at the financial state this country is in will show just how dangerous the American Dream has been for our economy and country. I’m a homemaker and I’m often tempted to get a real job but then I come to my senses.

    I’m going to stay home and watch our pennies for as long as I can.

  2. Ingrid Schlueter says:

    It is covetousness and greed and a sense of entitlement that young people have today. I was just looking at an ad/coupon magazine and saw an advertisement for new kitchens. We aren’t talking about just a new sink and counter here, we’re talking top of the line everything, granite this and ceramic tile that and recessed lighting and everything top of the line. All so families can eat take out because mom’s too tired to cook. What irony. My husband commented about the Parade of Homes event sponsored by community home builders. 20 years ago he visited a house in our neighborhood that was on the parade of homes list. He said that at the time it seemed like a really lovely suburban home. Looking at it today in light of what builders are featuring today, it is surprising to think of that house would have been on the Parade of Homes at all. It’s obscene and our entire economy is based on living above one’s means. It will come crashing down and those who were wise and modest will be the only ones left standing.

  3. Mrs. U says:

    Wonderful post!!! I, too, have heard from many ladies about how tired they are because they try to do EVERYTHING- work, tons of church activities, clubs, sports, etc. SO sad!! Everyone is so busy trying to get the bigger house, the newer car, and no one is spending time with their families anymore. This breaks my heart!! Parents not being able to build into their marriage, children growing up hardly ever seeing or, much less, knowing their parents. This should not be. All this “stuff” that the world says we need and we convince ourselves we just have to have… we put it soooo far ahead of our families and what the Lord wants.

    Thank you, again, for sharing this.

    His,
    Mrs. U

  4. John says:

    That same article appeared in my news paper this morning and like you Ingrid I see the problem resulting from the ever increasing expectations of my own society, in this case here in Australia.

    I was first attracted to your web site by your use of the name Laodicea. As a shadow of a time yet to come it seems that Jesus was addressing a church very much caught up in the obsessions of the secular society that surrounded it. They claimed to be rich and had need of nothing, but Jesus, in no uncertain manner, pointed out just how spiritually impoverished they really were.

    He also said they were blind and I do pray that you will not grow faint in continuing to provide the eye salve so desperately needed by a church that in so many ways is unwittingly conforming to the pattern of the world today.

  5. Lisa K says:

    I think people today have a totally different philosphy than our ancestors had. Years ago one bought things to last and expected a tough life (they would get their rewards in heaven). Not today! We want everything now: new cars, new houses, the latest gadgets and clothing – even if we can’t pay for them. I know married mothers who work full time and most of their paycheck goes for childcare! Plus they get up at 5am everyday! Once I had children I worked either not at all, part time (highly recommended), or from home (also recommended). Yes I’m lucky my husband makes a decent living, but sometimes I think – if I also worked full time we would be more comfortable financially. So it’s a toss-up. Personally I would be far too frazzled to work full time and be a mother, though with my youngest now 10 I find myself in another problem situation. I am in my early 50s – who would hire me? (I know other mothers whose children are getting older and they can’t find work either.) I think as women we have to be aware of this and be entreprenurial, whether it’s a home business, or thinking of creative ways to bring in income.

  6. Corinne says:

    How do you do it Ingrid? Yet again this is something I have been thinking a lot about, and here it is on your blog. I’ve been home sick from work the last couple of days and thus I have been watching a lot of news on TV, which I rarely do. As I hear about the state of the economy, the financial crisis my city (San Diego) is in, and even watch commercials, I see what the so-called “American Dream” has done to people. As a 26-year-old single woman I honestly do get worried sometimes about marriage, if the Lord would have me marry. I see all the stress, the demands, and the barrage of attacks on husbands and wives, and frankly I get overwhelmed (one of the segments on the news today was a billboard in Los Angeles for a website enabling married WOMEN to find an extra-marital affair). Not only that, but child-rearing seems frightening in this day and age, and home-schooling seems like the only viable option to make sure your children aren’t being fed lies. I have so many friends who honestly feel secure sending their children to a private Christian school, and I marvel. And of course the hardest part of all is that I have honestly never really found a Christian woman at my church who seems to really fear the Lord and is content with being a wife and mother. But the Lord has recently moved me to another church so maybe, by his grace, there will be a “role-model” there. I’m sorry this is so long, it’s just such a huge topic and I seem to find very few people that understand my struggle. Thanks for your patience, and thanks even more for writing this piece!

  7. Shma says:

    It all comes under corporate greed & the lies the world have fed women. Most TV shows seem to promote more & more things. Also as a nation we all are suppose to dress the same, talk the same etc. Mothers who work outside the home actually work 2 jobs!! They never seem to mention that. I heard a preacher a long time ago say “The more things you own the more they own you” and that is so true.

  8. Bridget says:

    I totally agree that kids today have no concept of money. I taught in a upscale private school for a year. One of my 8th grade students told that when she graduated from high school she planned to be at the same standard of living her parents were at right then. She had no concept of the idea that her parents had been working for 30 years more to get to where they were.

  9. rose says:

    “It all comes under corporate greed & the lies the world have fed women.”

    Not just women, men too. Look closer at the problem. You’ll find many husbands putting pressure on their wives to work outside the home. Others insist on a minimum number of children, other via birth control or abortion. All to protect a certain standard of living. I know of many women who would love to stay home with their kids or have more children but their husbands say otherwise. I know it is easy for us to blame women for this current problem but in all honesty, it’s not just women who have bought into this lie.

  10. Ingrid Schlueter says:

    Right on, Rose. Effeminized men have gotten off easy in this world where they can now lean on their wives financially to buy more toys for big boys or to get that bigger house. Male leadership as God intended it protects and guards a woman’s emotional and physical well-being. A man says, I’ll take the burden, my wife needs to get the opportunity to be a homemaker without bread winning responsibilities. But few men do this. They don’t even know they should anymore because we’re generations away from biblical teaching on this issue even in the church. No wonder American culture is so far away from truth. At a church I attended many years ago, the pianist told me her husband, the music minister, told her he would divorce her if she had another baby. She was being made sick on the Pill and wanted to get off it. Selfish, spoiled, carnal husband, who also claimed to be a believer, wanted an easy and smooth life, regardless of what God wanted for their family. Very sad but very common. Rebellion in the church affects every single area of life, and the family is the first to show it.

  11. Ingrid Schlueter says:

    P.S. Rose, one of the reasons I have not returned to the Slice format is because my husband saw what the stress of battling all the time was doing to me. He expressed the concern for me that I channel my writing in an area that was more uplifting and less controversial for the sake of my health which suffers enough without getting punched out by emerging pastors every day. That kind of protective action is manhood in action. When a husband loves you and says, honey, I think this isn’t good for you any more, you need to praise God and say, “thank you! You’re absolutely right!” and then rest in that protection.

  12. rose says:

    Ingrid, God bless your husband and I mean it. I’m glad you have a husband who genuinely looks out for you. And frankly, I got upset reading the old Slice when you were under attack. I do like the quiet around here and frankly, if you ever do write a book, I’m going to be one of the first to read it. 🙂

  13. Ima says:

    Yes Ingrid…you rest in that protection! You deserve it. You have given so much of yourself to folks like me…it is time we give back to you. 🙂 Just so you will know…God has used you to change lives. I have no idea what He has in store for you now…but you will know when He wants you to know. For now…perhaps He wants you to rest and wait on Him. Maybe He wants you to have the opportunity to grow closer to Him…and your family. It may be that He is moving you into a different area. So, in actually there is little somebody like me can do for you. I will begin in prayer for you…and your family. I sense a tone in you that I haven’t before…a sort of a ‘settling down in the spirit’ so to speak. A sense of peace in knowing you are leaving one area and seeking another. Just know that you are loved and appreciated. And may God bless you as you see His wisdom for your life and those about you. I continue to seek His wisdom in my life.

    And take good care of my pastor/teacher who will be visiting you this coming weekend! 🙂 You will be blessed.

  14. VcdeChagn says:

    Ingrid, FWIW, I think you did the right thing in moving on after Slice (though you should find someone worthy to carry it on, if the Lord leads you in that direction). There are a number of wonderful discernment blogs out there, and yours will be missed….but the following provides the best example of what I’m talking about.

    Our little town has a festival every year. I took the family down there and handed out a few tracts and chatted with the vendors, bought a few small things (green apple popcorn being the highlight of our evening…really good). We got back and I called my mom and told her about handing out the tracts. She wondered why no one from our church got a booth at the festival.

    I started to feel guilty and came back with “Well, I don’t see how I could man a booth 12 hours a day for three days” without leaving my wife with our four kids (four and younger) to handle by herself…we would both be tired and miserable, and my calling is first to my family. She agreed and said she wasn’t talking about me but that not everyone from my church has four young boys to take care of.

    She’s right, but those who feel the most burdened (my pastor, my wife, myself) are the ones that are most busy in our lives. I just pray that there will be more workers. God always provides.

    ——–
    And in the vein of your post. Our family of six fits in a 1600 square foot house quite nicely, and we homeschool (our 4 year old is in a kindergarten curriculum because some of his older friends are homeschooled and he can’t stand not to be in school too…we don’t press him at all). I told my wife that if God provides more kids, He’ll either provide a bigger house or we can live in the one we’ve got, but that’s His problem, not ours. Ours is to love, raise and nurture our children up in the fear of the Lord (as Paul Washer likes to say).

    God Bless and I’m glad to see you emphasizing your family!

  15. Lisa K says:

    When dealing with negativity on a constant basis it HAS to affect one mentally and possibly physically. Despite your anguish at the modern church, there is much to be thankful for – sometimes we don’t see the forest for the trees.

    I find this discussion about working women very interesting. I am one of a VERY few non-working moms at my son’s school. (Though I sell books over the internet it doesn’t take me away from home as a “real” job would). Most of the moms I know work full time. Many husbands are not reliable and some women must work because they are single or divorced parents with very little support from the father of their children. My husband never questioned the idea that he should support a family and never makes me feel guilty for not working. I don’t see a lot of men like this today and it’s getting worse all the time. My young sister (37) has had a string of boyfriends who can’t hold down jobs, or expect her to work full time after marriage and children, or lie about their finances, drink too much – you name she’s seen it. Where are the men of good character??

  16. Shma says:

    I think the women’s movement did a lot to destroy the family. I was all for equal pay for equal work but it went way beyond that. When I was growing up the working Mom (unless she was widowed/divorced) was the rare exception. I admire every stay-at-home Mom. I know in today’s world most items are priced at what a 2 income level would be which makes it very hard on young familes.

  17. Jennifer says:

    Ingrid, I know this question of mine only ties slightly in here, but I am wanting to ask your opinion on something. I am wondering what you think about the “quiverfull movement”. I know that the Bible says that children are a blessing, but do you think that the Bible means that we should try and have as many children as we can? If we have a number in mind, are we sinning against God because we are not letting God choose the number of children we have? I have just heard of this movement this past year and am not sure what to think about it. Jennifer

  18. Bridget says:

    What do you if you have work though? For instance, my best friend is married to an amazing man but they don’t have alot of money. They live in a small 2 bedroom apartment that fits them and their 2 young children (under 5). Shere (my friend) would love to not have to work but she is the primary breadwinner of the family. She is a Medical Technician and her husband just finished his college degree. She make significantly more than her husband. She lost her job last year when she found out she was pregnant with #2 and they were in some serious trouble. Things are looking up now because her husband graduated and just got a new job and she got a job working in a hospital. She would love nothing more than to be able to stay home with her kids, but right she ust can’t. What would you recommend in a situation like that? Shere isnt working because so they can have a bunch of things…she has to pay the bills.

  19. Melody says:

    Jennifer, although I’m not Ingrid I would like to comment on the quiverfull movement. I remember reading a book by Tim Lahaye many years ago in which he stated that because there is a verse in Proverbs(?) saying (paraphrase) “Children are the blessing of the Lord, how blessed is the man whose quiver is full.”, that God intends every family to have five children. If it were as simple as that, Hannah would have had five, Rachel would have had five, I would have had five… God gave me only one and I tried for the five. Yet I can see God’s hand in giving me that special one and no others. Before any means of artificial birth control existed, most families still did not manage to have five children. I don’t think I would expend too much energy worrying about this one.

  20. Ingrid Schlueter says:

    I have to work right now, Bridget. I’m able to do so from home and truthfully, would like to not have to, but with a son in Christian college and various long term responsibilities, it is a necessity for a time. This is no attack on working mothers, just an acknowledgment that things are not as rosy for career moms as the feminists tried to paint it. When my last two babies were small, I was able to be there for them because I worked part time from home. But my husband and I agree that if a mother can give her full attention to just the home, it’s ideal. We didn’t plan much and that is why I wrote the piece, to encourage more intensive planning before marriage regarding financial realities and what needs to happen to allow the mother to take care of her own children today.

  21. Ingrid Schlueter says:

    Interesting question regarding the quiverfull movement. Now you got me started! I am uneasy any time you have someone declare that women should have as many babies as their bodies can bear. I would be dead right now had I shared that philosophy because my last pregnancy nearly killed me from preeclamsia. I was left legally blind for two weeks after our little boy was born from the build up of fluid behind my retinas. The doctor told me that my liver was beginning to shut down as well as my kidneys which are now damaged from what happened. Our son was born six weeks early but praise God was fine. A husband’s job is to protect his wife and her health at all costs. When he sees that the burden is too great, common sense dictates that you stop having children for a time. I greatly admire Michelle Duggar with her 17 beautiful children! I love children and am so thankful to have gotten to be mother to 5, three by birth and two by adoption. But not all of us, friends, are Michelle Duggars, with husbands who can custom build a virtual hotel to house that many children.

    Today we do not live in an agrarian society where huge families can live on farms. We live in cities where real estate in safe neighborhoods is so expensive that too many wives are having to work already to make ends meet already. Further, houses are small. Susannah Wesley (nor Michelle Duggar for that matter) did not live in a three bedroom ranch! In metro Milwaukee, a 4-5 bedroom home in an area where you will not get shot (i.e. the suburbs) will run you anywhere from 250,000 on up. The great old homes in Milwaukee that used to house large working class families are largely in neighborhoods where the crime is out of sight. I can speak from experience because several years ago when we had 5 children at home, we lived in a 1920’s era Milwaukee bungalow. Affordable? Yes. Spacious? Yes?. Safe? No. When a city worker was shot in the back in broad daylight one block away by murderous thugs, we put up the for sale sign and moved west. The shooting had followed on the heels of our son being knocked around in the local park a block away, and an armed robbery two blocks away. But as we moved west, the price went up and so did taxes. The reality of affordable urban living with children is that such houses are now largely in older areas that are no longer safe. There used to be mile after mile of working class, affordable neighborhoods in this city that are now crime ridden slum. (The once fine neighborhood where I grew up is a case in point of that.)

    Besides the practical difficulties of urban life today, not everyone is equipped to bear and homeschool huge families. Bearing the children is only the start of the responsibilities that come with having children. (Who can afford private Christian education for a family of 4 or more children? If anyone doubts this, give me an hour of your time.) Also, not every woman’s body can handle having a child every year or every other year without consequences. We are all made differently. I get concerned about movements that make generic claims and statements that are supposed to fit every situation, no matter what. The “just trust God” attitude that they use would never be used about their own back door at home. Why lock it? Just trust God. Why wear seatbelts? Just trust God. Of course we trust God, but He expects us to use common sense that comes from Him. He has allowed knowledge to progress to the point in the world where we now understand conception and we know there are non-abortifacient means to avoid pregnancy for a time. If a couple’s motives are selfishness, that is one thing. Survival and good stewardship is another.

    I want to use one other example here. Years ago when a family had countless children, there was no such thing as orthodontia or any other kind of real medical/dental care. Today, children who have squirrely teeth have their teeth fixed–at a cost of approximatey 6-12,000 dollars a piece. (We had two in braces and a third ready to begin.) These are issues families like the Wesley’s never faced. If you had buck teeth, crossed eyes, club feet, or any other major issue, you lived with it and that was that. Today, we are able to repair these things, but at a high cost that families have to pay. There are simply limits to what a breadwinner can provide. One of the biggest advocates of “planning families God’s way” was a homeschool mother I knew. They had multiple children and kept trying for more but the mother was always short financially and let everyone know it. She asked me if I thought it was morally wrong to get Christmas presents for the kids from the Salvation Army. The family got loans from others in their family frequently—others who had two or three children, I might add. What I am saying is, if you are having to constantly benefit from the stewardship of smaller families that you know because you are not cutting it financially with your quiver full, that’s your choice but to tell others that they also need to have huge families like you do is not right.

    So that’s my view on this controversial issue. I will also say that for some famlies, a quiverfull is one child. My grandmother only had two boys, six years apart. Her quiver was full. God ultimately is sovereign over all our choices, even if couples try to limit their families. God has an amazing way of surprising couples at times! When we ultimately leave things in his hands, while trying to be responsible, He will make His will plain.

  22. Lisa K says:

    Does anyone remember Andrea Yates? She was the mother who killed all her small children a few years ago – she suffered from severe post-partum depression, yet because she and her husband believed she should have as many children as “God allows” she ended up in prison with none.
    There was also a book written recently (can’t remember title) by a man who grew up in an impoverished family with 12 or 13 children – his memories were horrific.
    Today we may not realize that before reliable birth control there were MANY large families – and many were poor and suffering.
    The extremely large “quiverfull” familes of today are CHOOSING this lifestyle and the ones I’ve seen are very prepared and truly believe this is their calling. The large families of the past were not utopian by any means.
    I still question the ability of a women to bear so many children without severe health consequences…
    Personally I don’t feel the number of children one has, has any bearing on their worth as an individual. I do feel that some mothers of large broods look down on those of us with one or two.
    As for myself I was not able to have a second child for almost 11 years after my first – because of an undiagnosed hormonal imbalance. I had my second son at 41. We don’t always get to choose the “perfect” family – if I had my choice my boys would have been much closer in age.
    Lisa K

  23. MDJ says:

    The proper Quiverfull mindset to have is whether you’re given 1 child or 15 children, your quiver is full. To suggest otherwise condemns anyone not meeting up to whatever your personal “minimum family size” should be, which is of course, highly subjective.

    Ingrid, you do bring up the real reason behind the desire to limit family size, and that’s selfishness. To many, having more than 2 children is seen as some sort of albatross upon a family. In our marriage, we had one boy and then one girl. My wife became pregnant with our third, and the reaction was almost universal. “You had a boy and girl. What more would you want?” This was said with a fair amount of incredulity. We were then blessed with our 2nd daughter, our 3rd child.

    Forgive me for not siting a proper source, but I’ve read several times over and from different outlets that for a culture to sustain (Note: Not grow, but maintain) their numbers, the birthrate has to be at least 2.1 children in an industrialized country. Here is a website speaking of the falling birthrates in the European union http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/4768644.stm

    Now, I’m not given to paranoia, but those who are maintaining birth rates far above the average in Europe are Muslim. So, doing simple math, Europe will be largely Muslim in a 100 years or so simply because they’ll be the dominate population by then. Chuck Colson had a similar viewpoint in regards to Christians in America reproducing at rates higher than secularists. See here: http://www.breakpoint.org/listingarticle.asp?ID=7036

    I’m not a hardened Quiverfull spokesman. But the truth is that many in the “Church” have never given the idea a thought. Why? Because it infringes on our sovereignty. My concern is that Christians would look into the scriptures and see all the positives that are offered us from scripture on God’s viewpoint of children and family. Then, recognize selfish tendencies in ourselves that seek the comfort of security in our own wisdom.

    Blessings to all! And by the way, God has given us another son. He was born last month. God is good!

    MDJ

  24. MDJ says:

    Ingrid,

    I did go off track with the Quiverfull comments. Your article was 100% correct in regards to the abdication of male leadership in the home and the feminist onslaught of lies directed toward women.

    We’re instilling in our oldest son (15 years old) that it is his responsibility to provide for his family. His future wife’s responsibility will be to stay at home with their children. He should never depend on two incomes in his family.

    MDJ

  25. Bridget says:

    I know it wasn’t an attack on working moms. I have friends that are working moms and it’s almost like they have 2 Full Time jobs. Someday when I become a mom, I would like to not be able to work, but I may have to.

  26. Shma says:

    Bridget

    You expressed my point exactly. Our society has priced things so far out of reach that they almost make the woman have to work to make ends meet! Had the women’s movement not pushed women to “have it all” (which means working a full time job & than coming home to another full time job) the economy wouldn’t require 2 incomes to survive. I am sorry your friend has to work & hope that someday she will be able to stay home. So few women have a choice to stay home these days due to the high cost of living.

  27. Shma says:

    In response to the Quiverfull movement. I have heard this expressed in many ways. Basically they don’t believe in birth control & that the Lord will give you the number of children you should have. Maybe I don’t have the trust I should have but I do believe you shouldn’t have more children than you can support. My friend came from a large family (12) & I can tell you it wasn’t the Waltons. Large doesn’t always mean good. My friend’s mother almost died & after her 6th child the doctor told her husband that no matter what she could not have more children. The Lord has given us a brain to use. If we would pray to him for wisdom (rather than listening to men) & seek him as to how many children we should have than we would know what our “quiver full” is. It can be 1 or 17 but it depends on how the Lord made us & the gifts he gave us. For some it may mean none. Bottom line we should seek the Lord & not listen to man’s thoughts.

  28. Bridget says:

    Society has priced things so far out of reach that my husband and I can’t even survive without both us working. We have been married since May and in order to afford our apartment, utilities, Student Loan payments, credit card debt(which we are paying off and never getting again), food, and other bills we both have to work full time. We only go out to each a few times a month because we can’t afford it. And it is just the two of us. Last Fall, we took the Dave Ramsey class and I totally recommend it to anyone trying to get there finances in order. We are in a much better place than we were last year but the process is not over yet. We actually saved enough to go to San Diego on our Honeymoon completely debt free.

  29. Lisa K says:

    I don’t know how the womens movement is to blame for many wives working full time in todays world.
    Yes, the womens movement said women should not be dependent on someone else to support her, because men leave or die, etc.
    However, I believe many working wives today aren’t doing so because of the womens movement. They are working to make ends meet. I don’t know who or what to blame for this: inflation, economy problems, the high price of gas which drives everything else up in price, our expensive lifestyles (cell phones, internet, cable tv, tech gadgets, etc)?? Your guess is as good as mine.

  30. Mirele says:

    What amuses me about all these comments is that they’re so focused on the choices of middle class women.

    Up until my mother, my female ancestors worked, and worked very hard. They were not middle-class women with choices or servants, they were sharecroppers and lower-end farmers who had to work to make sure that the cows were milked, the crops got planted and harvested, and the family chores got kept up. They didn’t have the choice to “stay at home with the children” or “not work” or whatever. They HAD TO WORK and the work was harder and more backbreaking than anything the combined readers of this blog will ever have to do.

    So while my grandmother was out walking behind the back end of a mule to make sure that the cotton got planted, who watched her kids? Why, the oldest girl (aged 7) watched her little brothers (aged 5 and 3). Those were the realities of life in rural 1930s Oklahoma.

    My point, Ingrid, is that not every woman is middle class and has these choices that you speak of. Most women don’t have these choices.

  31. Bridget says:

    Mirele,
    I don’t know very many middle class women that have servants but I get your point.

Comments are closed.