Toxic Relationship Tip of the Day

If you said, “Aha! Exactly!” when you saw this, just realize that this is absolutely textbook behavior for narcissistic sociopaths who harm others. There is a very simple solution for this, but the most obvious thing tends to be the last thing we notice sometimes in these situations. Don’t take the bait from these people. Hit the road and congratulate yourself on progress.

(P.S. Anyone who believes the distortions and lies from those who characterize justified moral outrage and hurt as “instability” doesn’t love you anyway, so who cares?)  :-)

 

baitingandbashing

6 thoughts on “Toxic Relationship Tip of the Day

  1. A related tip of the day. Bullies don’t always swagger and thump their chests, give wedgies or take your lunch money. Some bullies slither. They speak softly with their forked tongues, and tell others of their (latest) relational malfunctions with tears in their eyes. They raise an eyebrow here, hint at something there, shake their heads and request prayer for the one they have, in reality, targeted. People, Christians in particular, are easily manipulated and deceived if they hear emotionally laden spiritual buzzwords like “prodigal”, “concern”, “earnest prayer”, “serious issues with (put target’s name here.)” Unless we have a God-ordained B.S. meter, we can be easily taken in by it. Just remember that some bullies oppress quietly with all outward piety in place. But, as Shakespeare put it, the truth will out.

  2. I agree, Ingrid. Control and manipulation can be very subtle at times. It is like a thin, translucent web spun around you. It is not always in blaring colors. Pray for discernment, and if you see or sense it use wisdom and move away to a safe place.

  3. Such truth! For years I was silent because others would not believe I was living in an abusive relationship(s). I began to even doubt myself. The lack of support from (c)hristians created isolation and a great mistrust. I am slowly coming out of the fog and posts like this truly encourage me that others are aware of the subtle evil ways of the enemy … there is a snake in the grass!

  4. “Just remember that some bullies oppress quietly with all outward piety in place.” Yup. They use passive-aggressive tactics to manipulate, and then when they don’t get what they want, they DISPLAY the victim card. If only my B.S. meter were as finely calibrated 30 years ago as it is today…

    Is this not the strategy of the the whole political correctness craze?

    Recently, when I did not capitulate, it was suggested I pray about it. Yeah, ok. The implication being that I had not already prayed about it. How stupid. A total misrepresentation of what prayer is. What if I read about it first, and then if I am still unclear, I’ll seek guidance through prayer.

    Even more recently, I observed a woman attack a grieving mother at a funeral in a similar way. Wow, did she need a spanking!

  5. Ingrid, I almost never comment, but I love your blog. I know what you are describing…sadly, oh so well. It reminds me of this scripture:

    Psalm 55:21-22
    The words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but war was in his heart:
    his words were softer than oil, yet were they drawn swords.

    Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee:
    he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.

  6. Abusive people also enjoy this twist on the same game: They seek any and every opportunity to provoke any exchange or conversation, and then claim their own interpretation of anything you DO OR DO NOT SAY to be offensive, or evidence of a lack of “professionalism” on your part. They seek support by going to the boss and tattling, like a pre-adolescent junior high-scholar with no daddy at home. The only part they get right is assuming the boss is stupid.
    This should not be surprising. This is very common phenomena among educators and government employees. The more unprofessional environment in which you are involved, the more likely you are to hear this line of baloney. A psychologist would say they are projecting, and while I’m no fan of psychologists, about this they are of course correct.
    People hate everything about themselves, as they rightly should. But instead of introspection, reading, cognition, and then repentance and reconciliation at the altar, their only unregenerate, instinctive, and juvenile response is to take it out on somebody else.
    The only “professional” way to deal with all this is complete and total isolationism, i.e., avoid all people, all the time. This is, of course, impossible, so they got me there. You cannot win in this world. We know that.

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