On Showing Love at Church
March 6, 2008 by Ingrid Schlueter
I want to share this article from a friend, Nicole Strickland. Somewhere near you at church, there may be someone who really needs to know that you care about them. Churches are not supposed to be sermon clubs where we walk in for an hour or so and then hustle out the door as quickly as possible. Some people have perfected the ability to avoid eye contact at church so they won’t be obligated to stop and talk. Sometimes, we would all probably admit, we do the same thing. This piece says it well. Look around you and find someone to speak with on Sunday. Show the love of Christ.
Why do churchgoers rush out the door after church? Why don’t we stay and talk to one another? Are we so caught up in our personal universes that we can only spare a meager hour for God and His people? What makes us so uncomfortable in the House of the Lord?
In the culture today, finding a sense of community and belonging can be very difficult, and the majority of Americans somehow don’t expect to find it in church. I find the widespread lack of sympathy disturbing. Does anyone else?
Make no mistake: the primary purpose of a church is to worship and serve the Living God. However, an indispensible component of serving God is treating our fellow human beings well. In the words of Christ: “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me.” As believers, we are the body of Christ, made of disparate parts, but designed to function harmoniously. God has no patience with elitism and what James calls the “respect of persons.” The value of a person cannot be based on his financial or social standing. The local church ought to be a place where anyone can find sympathy, compassion, and life-giving counsel based on the Word of God.
Selfishly, we often seek not so much to understand as to be understood. As humans, we feel our own need for sympathy so deeply, but others’ rather slightly. Loving others means being aware of the needs of people around us, and attempting to serve those needs whether we feel like it or not. It means being a giver and not a taker—characteristics of a mature individual. Are we up to the challenge?
Do you think strangers likely feel welcomed at your church? Within the circle of believers, there should be time set aside to consider how to offer hospitality and fellowship not only to one another, but to strangers in our midst. Hebrews 4 reminds us, “Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for some have entertained angels unaware.” In the book of the Acts of the Apostles, the Bible says that “God added daily to the church such as should be saved.” We, as believers, are called laborers together with God in the harvest field of souls; we can have a part in God’s work by reaching out to visitors who come seeking.
On a slightly deviant, yet related point, I think church leaders should be aware that age segregation has succeeded in depriving us of some of the richest expressions of human culture. We miss so much when we avoid the cross-pollination of age groups: the seasoned perspective and unique wisdom of seniors, the brightness and enthusiasm of youth. Successfully integrating people of all ages greatly enhances the socialization experience for everyone.
Certainly, the future of the Christian church depends on our ability to reach out in love, both to fellow Christians (our brothers and sisters) and to strangers and seekers. We not only represent Christ to the world, we are called to be Christ’s Body and function as His hands, His arms, His feet. We, therefore, must love as He loved.
–Nicole Strickland
Great post, Nicole.
Why do churchgoers rush out the door after church? Why don’t we stay and talk to one another? Are we so caught up in our personal universes that we can only spare a meager hour for God and His people? What makes us so uncomfortable in the House of the Lord?
Because individuals feel unwelcome. They want God but they feel the members do not necessarily want them. At some point, those individuals will leave. The really sad part? They may not even be missed. A year goes by, maybe more, someone might say, hey whatever happened to so-and-so? Chances are that individual will be classified as the woman or man with the 5 kids, or who sat you-know where on occasion, because they really never knew their name to begin with. The answer may come as a shrug.
I think ‘age segregation’ has a great deal to do with how spiritual cliques are formed within the church setting.
Sorry that was all sort of emo and such.
I think people naturally gravitate to those they feel “simpatico” and have a certain chemistry (I’m not talking about romance here, but friendship). I have watched very outgoing people to try and learn - they welcome new people and are genuinely interested in making friends with everyone - no snobbery.
I am not naturally gregarious, but am learning to be more so. So many people are inward turning - only thinking about their own problems, etc. It’s much healthier to concern ourselves with others. There are so many lonely people in this world - small kindnesses mean so much.
Ingrid:
I feel that peoplerush out becuase they feel unwelcome-many churhces are cliquish, and people tend to gravitate with their old friends or people who are like them.
I really wan to tell you that I throughly agree with the Slice post about a Christian looking for a solid church. I could have written it! My last church experience was with an emergent church where the oastor disputed most of the Bible, and encouraged the church people to worship HIM. He was the only one who “preached”, even though there was an associate pastor (who was more Biblically based). There was 30 minutes of loud ptaise and worship music and no benediction, no call to worship. So if you know of a church like the one descibed in Slice,let me know!!
I am a big fan of yours-keep fighting the good fight for our Lord!
“Are we so caught up in our personal universes that we can only spare a meager hour for God and His people?”
I can be very guilty of this callous attitude. Ingrid coined the term “hyper-clogged schedules” some time back. Granted, part of it can be attributed to my husband’s work schedule (a funeral director). Yet, I have witnessed attempts to fellowship are cut off because folks are compelled to bolt out the door for any number of reasons ranging from wanting to not miss the start of a game to needing to get long neglected housework under way to other commitments be they entertainment based or things put on the back burner all week. I hate succcumbing to this pitfall, and know believers miss many opportunities to be refreshed and exhorted in their fellowship with the Lord and the Body.
Nicole’s article was very good and should make all of us think about the opportunities God gives us to reach out to those in our Church family to show the love of Christ. It inspired me to write an article about this on my blogsite here: http://itsabigail.com/ Thank you, Nicole for bringing up this very important topic. Blessings to you!
“Why do churchgoers rush out the door after church? Why don’t we stay and talk to one another? Are we so caught up in our personal universes that we can only spare a meager hour for God and His people? What makes us so uncomfortable in the House of the Lord?”
Boy, this was guilt inducing. I leave church very quickly after the sermon. I’ve been to a number of churches since I was a child and I’ve had enough bad experiences where I love to hear the word rightly spoken but fear getting to know the people who sit in the pews. The gossip spread under the guise of prayer and concern, the fierce judging, the reluctance to confront outrageous sin, a minister or deacon who uses the Bible to cut down everyone they hate or are envious of; they’ve all been wounding experiences. As it is now, I like almost everyone I go to church with.
If I got to know them better, I’m not sure I’d feel the same.
It feels safer not knowing them.
rosemarie: When I was younger I felt the same way about Church and the people there. I wanted to go to Church but really didn’t want to interact with the folks there for many of the same reasons you listed. As I’ve grown in Christ, He is doing the work of dying to self in me. . .I no longer worry about what people are going to think of me but I pray and ask the Lord to show me how to serve them. Is there someone who needs a smile or a hug? Is there some small thing I can do to lift another’s load? Do I have a listening ear for someone whose heart is burdened? I want to serve those around me, so I try to take a lower position. It’s not all about me and how I feel but who needs help with something I can do to serve them and by serving them I am really serving the Lord Jesus Christ. I can’t tell you how freed up I am in Church now that I go to worship the LORD and serve the BODY OF CHRIST in any way that I can! I look forward to Sunday so I can go and love and pray for my Church family and learn something myself. Just step out on faith and reach out and you’d be surprised how the Lord will bless your efforts. I am learning how to help others and not just think about myself and my comfort zone.
Great post. I tell people all the time that we have churches full of drag race Christians. They drag in and race out. I thought for a long time that something was wrong with me and my family for wanting to stay around and talk and fellowship with other people. I’m glad to know that though we are in the minority for now, at least there are others who feel the same way. May God continue to bless all you do to serve Him.
Thank you for this posting. I have been a new church now for about 6 months. At first, it was hard to get to know the people. Though they were very pleasant and friendly, I just felt like I was on the outside for many weeks. They had their little cliques of friends. But I was too self centered waiting for them to reach out more to me. I almost left to go somewhere else. But, finally I made a conscious decision to start reaching out to them, making conversation, taking time to ask them questions about themselves, etc. When I heard someone was ill, I tried to send a card or inquire when I saw them again. Little by little, I noticed a change. I had to overcome my own self consciousness and shyness. I had to adapt the attitude that I was there is serve others instead of looking for them to serve and reach out to me. I am glad I did this because I AM in the right church and now I feel very comfortable there. I would have missed out on knowing some wonderful people had I left. Sometimes people ARE snobbish and just aren’t interested no matter how hard you try. But most of the time, they are (just like me) shy, unsure of what to say when around someone new.
We have been looking for a church for awhile and experienced what you are talking about in this post- even though my kids and I attended a church for over a year. One of the problems I see in churches today is their desire to “save” people is more important than disciplining those already saved. I always felt like a second rate member of this church because I was saved before I came to it. Unless they “saved” you, you weren’t very welcomed. It was a shame really. I think the focus needs to be discipleship not just “praying a prayer.” Just my 2 cents as we search Dodge County, WI for an “old fashioned” church!
Thank you for all you do. My husband and I are always blessed by Crosstalk and Slice.
Blessed be the Lord!
~mel